then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
