I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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