I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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