Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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