Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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