he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
