I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
