it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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