I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
