I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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