my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You ruined the universe
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
