Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
