And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
