Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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