Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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