OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
