Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
