He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
