That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
