I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wear drunk well.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
