she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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