I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
