True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
