Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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