my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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