no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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