i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
