you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize