why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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