I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
