he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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