apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
