none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
