I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
