the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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