You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
