Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
