I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize