My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is the high leading the old right now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
