Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize