Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
3 2 1 whiskey
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
