i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
