you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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