I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
