Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my poor anus
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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