I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
