yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish you could order shots online.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
