I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
