I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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