my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
