My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jerry, you need to find god
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
