he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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