i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
