This is not my ceiling
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
