I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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