Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
