At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
