it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
