I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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