i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
