Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
