We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
