i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
