The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize