I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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