I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
